Well, I'm officially on sick leave for my mental well-being. I'll be off the rest of this week until next Thursday.

My breakdown is getting worse. Customers kicked me over today. When Lee came in, I told him how I was feeling. He said that we'd talk with the store manager. With both of them I broke down and let everything come out. They recommended I take some time off. A month of disability was suggested, but that won't work. I'm the only one with a job at the moment and I can't afford the paycut for that time. I have fifteen sick days available and my store manager said I can take five in a row before it has to go to disability.

So. Five days off. I'll have to go to the doctor and will probably be placed on some new meds. Hopefully one for anxiety, since it's been severe the past few days. I'm back on my anti-depressants, and it will take about a week for them to kick back in fully.

I don't know anymore.

I'm having a really hard time this week.

Sunday was awful.

Mom went out and after several hours of Gramma asking where she was every single time she walked into the room, because she couldn't remember, I was really frustrated. So I tried calling Mom. I called her close to thirty times. At first I was angry, then I got panicked and freaked out. I had the worst panic attack I've ever had. I was screaming and crying so hard I couldn't breathe properly. It wouldn't stop.

And I had the thoughts that I haven't had in a long time. I wanted to hurt myself. I actually hit my head into the wall a couple of times. I didn't know what to do.

And I couldn't get ahold of Mom, which just kept making it worse.

It took me a very long time to calm down.

Monday was... okay. I was on the verge of crying all day.

Today sucked.

I freaked out at work with another panic attack. A customer yelled at me. I did nothing to her except explain a situation and she yelled and freaked out at me and wanted to talk to the manager and called me an idiot and treated me like shit for explaining her insurance wouldn't pay. I got so upset. I hyperventilated. It took me almost an hour before I was calm enough to face more customers, and Mom had to bring me a Xanax.

I'm still crying.

Acquired a Wii Fit. It says I'm obese and is kicking my ass.

I LOVES IT!!!

Dangit! The last thing I need is yet another show to obsess over! FlashForward was brilliant! I was afraid it was going to be *too* much like Lost, but this is just... WOW. Blew my mind.

Also, I'm highly amused that three Brits are playing Americans, and two other Brits are in it as well. Although, *SPOILER*, I'm worried about the fate of Desmond on Lost. With Penny on this show as a main character... unless they just kill off Penny and Desmond gets all sadface. I DON'T KNOW! AND Juliet is officially dead without a chance of coming back unless of course that V show gets canceled. *SPOILER*

Three day weekend. YAY. Might go and drink some winey wine. I has cheap stuff.

Hmm.

*goes for wine*

*gropes Jack Davenport*

I ♥ my new phone, LIKE WOAH!!

Tis a Blackberry Storm and it's lovely. We got it last night before I even got my paycheck. YAY for running a debit as credit to avoid overdraft fees, muahahaha! *evil grin* It's so much fun. Of course, I don't actually *talk* on the phone, but MEH. SHINY!

Work has been insanely busy lately. Flu season is definitely upon us. All of our pharmacists are immunizers, so there are people coming all the time for the shots, keeping us crazy. And I'm having some, ahem, issues with certain staff members not doing what they should be doing and having to clean up after them. *eye twitch*

Nothing much else. Playing and such. Need another HPDFW outing. I can has pls?

Completely new layout. I adored my Michael Sheen one, but sadly, it wasn't as compatible with all devices (ie: BLACKBERRY STORM!!/iPhone) so new one. Had a great idea, but my brain couldn't function properly and it just didn't work.

But! New layout, new blogs!

I should have a recap of my latest excursion(s) to Colorado if not tonight, definitely tomorrow. :oD

Ugh. I've been sick since last week. Wednesday was an awful allergy attack, then I was fine Thursday. Friday brought a drastic change in weather and that's when it really started. I probably shouldn't have gone to my HPDFW meeting Saturday (which ended up being canceled, but I hung out with peeps) and it progressed from there. Saturday was mostly spent on the couch. I had to come home from work early today. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS!

I'm also sick of having website connection issues. Grr.

Oh, and RIP Patrick Swayze. I need to watch To Wong Foo in his honour.

Blah. Sleep.

I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD! TRUFAX!

My dear, lovely, wonderful friend out in England, the OhSoGreat Ellen, has sent me... THE DAMNED UNITED!!! *bounces around* It's PAL format, but, again, because I have THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD, my lovely pal from HPDFW, Kim, will rip it for me so that I can play it on my DVD player here! WOOOO!!

My computer will actually play a Region 2 format, but I can only change the setting a certain number of times. I'm still debating on if I want to screencap from the actual movie or copy. Suggestions?

BUT OH EM GEE I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

This pretty much sums up my entire vacation:

More when I'm home tomorrow evening.